ankysim

Doll Up and Man Up

In Uncategorized on January 14, 2014 at 4:53 pm

My heart goes out to this doll of a friend of mine.  Over the years, we have kept in touch, fitting each other into our busy schedules with dinners once every quarter or so.  And each time we meet, I learn a little more about this friend who has gone through so much, and with whom I’ve shared a lot with.

We only recently got connected when a few years back she sent me a Happy Easter text and declared that she had moved and I should visit. Sensing a dint in the otherwise happy family I thought she had, I replied and sussed out what was wrong.  Shortly thereafter I found myself in her company once again, and providing a listening year for all the trials she had been through.

She is one example of the saying that we never know whether what happens to us is for the better or for the worse. Only time will tell.

I am pretty sure that when this friend met and married the guy of her dreams (technically, in her own words, their families were well-matched, they both had similar values, had been brought up in the same manner, lived in the same area) there were many jealous hearts out there.  Here she was walking down the aisle with a guy as evenly matched as her financially and socially.  They looked like they were made as a pair too as the cute couple walked down the aisle.

Who knows, a few years later, that she would be alone with her children, after going through many soul-searching nights on what wrong she might have done. She was the brunt of the husband’s blame and thankfully she was level-headed enough to see his childishness for what it was.  There she was being successful and bringing her business to greater heights and there he was, being presented with the same opportunity but being unable to do the same – and he ended up blaming her for being more successful than him.

I asked this friend what split them up – her answer was straightforward “All the vices”.  From gambling to smoking, to drinking and womanising – the ultimate was the drug taking.  And here we are scratching our heads on why a man of his stature and his lifestyle would resort to such heinous habits?  What satisfaction was there in ignoring reality when his reality was really, rather good.  His family was wealthy, he had loving parents, a beautiful wife and lovely children and he was willing to throw it all away for a moment’s pleasure, and to mix around with riffraffs.  It boggles the mind, what the human mind can conceive to create unhappiness and excuses for itself, doesn’t it?

Through her stories and her pain, I try to understand what it means to live her life and she put it succinctly in another sentence,”You marry a guy whom you think you will love for the rest of your life and he ends up hating you.  That is the most hurtful.”  I know that while this friend holds her chin up and makes life as meaningful for herself and for her children as much as possible, she misses their father, and all the opportunities they would have shared.  For herself, and for her children.

I can only be around for her should she need me and I am glad she did open up to me.  It must have been the downest period of her life when she first moved out to live on her own, and I hope I helped provide some comfort.

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