Archive for January, 2014|Monthly archive page

Life’s Good

In Uncategorized on January 20, 2014 at 5:09 pm

It is interesting what stories we hear from one and other stories we hear from others.  This long time friend of mine, fell in love very deeply once with a girl and shunned the world.  When I had the chance to meet up with him, I was shocked at his appearance – he was gaunt (he is normally beefy) and downcast.  The shock that gripped my heart, I still remember strongly.  The first thing I said was that this girl was not good for him!  Whomever gives us such grief to change our physical appearance and  emotional well-being by such an extent is surely not meant to be?  In any case, from what I heard, this girl that he liked was seeing someone else, and therefore he was upset and it sounded like she was two-timing him.

Honestly, I had just seen the girl in question in a recent overseas trip and I was not too impressed with her, having had the unpleasant encounter before of trying to send her back after a group event and finding her making out with another guy in the back seat of my car!  What thoughtlessness and indiscretion!  In any case, she had gone for the trip with the other guy.  It was when I returned, that I realised that Life’s Good was in love with this same girl.  So of course, I thought she was two-timing him and had an even nastier impression of her.

However, just about 2 weeks ago, I happened to catch up with a friend at an event and this friend for some reason started to mention this girl.  I had not known they were acquainted and so I chanced to hear another side of the story.  From this girlfriend, I heard that this girl had bad fates with guys.  In her relationship history, she was divorced once, and reattached subsequently. She was supposed to remarry. Unfortunately, the boyfriend succumbed to cancer and  she was there throughout the ordeal.  My friend’s mother had predicted that this girl had very bad luck with guys and that the only way she could find happiness was to be with someone totally unconventional, and who could detract the “evil” spirits from her.  True to form, she was going out with this non-Singaporean, who was younger than her and totally unconventional and till today they have a happy relationship.  It was also fortunate for Life’s Good that they did not end up together (perhaps this is the reason why he was looking so gaunt! Shudder!).

Then comes the reason why she did not choose to stay with Life’s Good.  Apparently, she told my girlfriend, Life’s Good did not want to marry her.  So she did not feel secure with him, and therefore it made better sense for her to be with someone else.

Now this was news! I always figured that for Life’s Good, if he was so crazy over her, that  he would have wanted to get married with her at least.

Which brings to mind another question – is Life’s Good simply commitment-phobic?  He does have a four-year relationship going and he is pushing 40.  We have been asking him to bring his girlfriend out so that we can meet her and get to know her, and he has refused all this while. Hmm hmmm.  This sheds a different light on my friend’s character which I was previously not privy to!



Doll Up and Man Up

In Uncategorized on January 14, 2014 at 4:53 pm

My heart goes out to this doll of a friend of mine.  Over the years, we have kept in touch, fitting each other into our busy schedules with dinners once every quarter or so.  And each time we meet, I learn a little more about this friend who has gone through so much, and with whom I’ve shared a lot with.

We only recently got connected when a few years back she sent me a Happy Easter text and declared that she had moved and I should visit. Sensing a dint in the otherwise happy family I thought she had, I replied and sussed out what was wrong.  Shortly thereafter I found myself in her company once again, and providing a listening year for all the trials she had been through.

She is one example of the saying that we never know whether what happens to us is for the better or for the worse. Only time will tell.

I am pretty sure that when this friend met and married the guy of her dreams (technically, in her own words, their families were well-matched, they both had similar values, had been brought up in the same manner, lived in the same area) there were many jealous hearts out there.  Here she was walking down the aisle with a guy as evenly matched as her financially and socially.  They looked like they were made as a pair too as the cute couple walked down the aisle.

Who knows, a few years later, that she would be alone with her children, after going through many soul-searching nights on what wrong she might have done. She was the brunt of the husband’s blame and thankfully she was level-headed enough to see his childishness for what it was.  There she was being successful and bringing her business to greater heights and there he was, being presented with the same opportunity but being unable to do the same – and he ended up blaming her for being more successful than him.

I asked this friend what split them up – her answer was straightforward “All the vices”.  From gambling to smoking, to drinking and womanising – the ultimate was the drug taking.  And here we are scratching our heads on why a man of his stature and his lifestyle would resort to such heinous habits?  What satisfaction was there in ignoring reality when his reality was really, rather good.  His family was wealthy, he had loving parents, a beautiful wife and lovely children and he was willing to throw it all away for a moment’s pleasure, and to mix around with riffraffs.  It boggles the mind, what the human mind can conceive to create unhappiness and excuses for itself, doesn’t it?

Through her stories and her pain, I try to understand what it means to live her life and she put it succinctly in another sentence,”You marry a guy whom you think you will love for the rest of your life and he ends up hating you.  That is the most hurtful.”  I know that while this friend holds her chin up and makes life as meaningful for herself and for her children as much as possible, she misses their father, and all the opportunities they would have shared.  For herself, and for her children.

I can only be around for her should she need me and I am glad she did open up to me.  It must have been the downest period of her life when she first moved out to live on her own, and I hope I helped provide some comfort.

Do the Charleston

In Relationships on January 5, 2014 at 2:48 pm

This post should be posted post Feb as I dithered about restarting my postings on this blog, but I’m gonna post it as my first post for the year as I contribute another 52 articles on 52 people for this year.  This will be the first post because it is also about the most significant person I have met over the new year, and also fitting because he may be the overarching story that may rule over the rest.

This new friend was not exactly new, saying that he had noticed me about 8 months back at another gathering, but never approached me.  Well, the universe has its way of putting people together when the time is ripe I guess. Back then I would have been caught up with other people and possibly wouldn’t have noticed Charleston doing his dance, but towards the end of the year, things had changed yet again and we could start a fresh dance, with gusto 🙂

And gusto we did start it with!  Not from the very beginning as we soft footed around each other, not sure of where to tread, and as all dances begin – a little tentatively, and a little wary of the other.  But once the rehearsals were over, bam!  on the floor we went, and waltzed through the night we did.  Time stood still and the music played for just two.

From clandestine meetings in the dark to late night/early mornings jaunts and visits to a strange tree, the universe sang its cheerful melody and buzzed with unleashed energy.  Here was the Charleston being performed frenetically and in perfect sync.  Each night when the music ended, it was two souls that parted refreshed, soothed, and emboldened to face the challenges of the following day.  The experience … always amazing, amazingly so.

As with all parades and balls, the music slows and the dancers need a break.  We caught ours a week later, after hours of being drawn towards each other, no matter how long the day had been.  The gravity was intimidating, and the company intoxicating.  The reality of the world began to set in – the ballroom started to light up, signalling the end of a magical ball.  The choice was ours to keep the dances alive, and yet be practical to know that the masquerade had ended its short stint.  Do we now uncover what goes under the masks and can we continue the dances like before?  Can we exit this ball gracefully with no incidents?

We spent a week apart and through that week, the music kept chiming – an underlying hum that refused to stagnate.  The messages were fast and furious and the questions patiently and truthfully addressed…all this while the humming continued. The underlying buzz of unfulfilled energy.

When the Charleston returned, the beat had changed, but the notes were still there, hanging unsung, waiting to be played and danced to.  And dance we did.  What could we do?  Our hearts kept to the beat, our feet kept moving.  The songs were slower, but they were the same notes tinged with an overture of reality, and an undertone of uncertainty.  They were sadder now, but no less enervating.  The music had found an outlet that was more manageable.

As we hurtle through the rest of the dances, we are not sure when the ball will end.  Or will it ever.  In the ballroom, alone with each other, the dances are all we live for.  Outside, away from the warmth of the chandeliers, and the soft glow of the candles, is the cold truth of the lives we lead.

In the meantime, we can only dance…